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Married At First Sight’s unpopular groom is slapped down by the most unlikely person at Monday night’s commitment ceremony before trying to have the last word in an argument about why he always needs to have the last word.
Sounds about right.
Rounding things out, he then goes and makes a bold declaration of love that’s about as fake as his chemist glasses.
JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here
JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Bryce’s disastrous secret rocks MAFS
This show’s just getting really toxic, so it’s important to honour even the tiniest glimmer of positivity.
“You know, I was on the sh*tter today and Georgia was at the door talking to me. We’re just at a comfy level,” Liam muses to the experts at the commitment ceremony.
OK, on second thought, let’s just stick to the toxic negativity.
Booka and Brett! Welcome to the couch. We imagine your relationship is still on a rapid decline?
“We had sex, I’ve written leave,” Booka basically says in one breath.
Brett has also chosen to leave. It’s only for the best. Booka needs a guy who’ll let her talk about herself non-stop. And Brett needs a girl who he can do hipster things with, like riding unicycles and inventing new types of milk.
Alana and Jason are dragged up to the couch to rehash their week-long spat that started when Alana told the group a bunch of things Jason had said in a private conversation and then kicked into overdrive when — precisely seven minutes after they reconciled — she did it again at the dinner party when she announced to everyone that Bryce told Jason he’d be single by Christmas.
Can’t keep up with all that? Good. You should feel very lucky.
“You’ve got opinions about everyone hear but do you see me running up to everyone saying, ‘Alana said this, this and this about you’?” Jason blasts his wife on the couch.
Ooh, you should totally do that! Who has Alana been trash-talking? Spill, please.
But Jason is not interested in playing games. He’s really cranky tonight and just wants to take another nap.
“I care about Melissa,” Alana sobs. “She deserves better and she deserves the truth. I’m sick of seeing girls get treated like sh*t. I chose the wrong moment. But Liss deserved to know that information.”
Wow. We’re actually surprised Bryce is just sitting patiently while all this is being said and not interrup-
“Alana, you didn’t give her accurate information!” he yells from across the room.
They go back and forth on the details of what was and wasn’t said and it makes us wanna take a nap with Jason.
“That was two weeks into the experiment,” he continues. “I said, ‘Cool, if you’re on the Gold Coast, that’s where I’m gonna be’. I said, ‘If Melissa and I are still together, she can come. But if we’re not, I’ll be coming solo’.”
Alana has been particularly timid tonight but Bryce’s interjections push her over the edge. Out of nowhere, she summons her inner Cyrell and slaps him down.
“That’s not what you said. By the way, Bryce, I will deal with you at another stage,” she snaps, promptly shutting him up and regaining control over the conversation.
It’s truly a thing of beauty. We haven’t seen a shut down like this since last year’s premiere of The Bachelor when Areeba told that angry redhead, “Thank you for your feedback,” while eating a service station sandwich.
Alana decides to, yet again, rope in Jason against his will.
“Is Bryce telling the truth or am I a liar?” she asks.
“I told you Bryce said that, you are not a liar,” he sighs. “But if that’s Bryce’s recollection of it, so be it. It was six weeks ago, who knows what was said.”
Indeed. Who knows what was said? And more importantly, who cares?
Melissa and Bryce trudge on over to the couch and we zone out because we know we’re about to endure endless rehashing and sepia-toned flashback footage.
“We actually haven’t spoken all afternoon or seen each other,” Melissa tells the experts.
It’s probably the healthiest thing that has ever happened in their relationship.
Expert John Aiken pipes up and asks Bryce why the entire group seems to not like him.
“(For) Telling it how it is, being myself and calling out bullsh*t,” Bryce grunts.
Mel Schilling steps in and informs Bryce of some toxic behaviour traits that might be the reason an entire group of people is railing against him. The main one is that he always needs to have the last word. Like clockwork, Bryce interrupts to get in the last word.
“Very evident I don’t wanna be here. Very evident,” he scoffs.
It’s around now he starts to realise no one is on his side and that even his own wife is turning against him. He decides his only defence is to drop a bold statement.
“I’m at a point where I am falling in love with Melissa,” he declares, literally just two hours after telling his wife in the hotel that he’d rather quit and go home tonight.
We don’t believe him and neither do the experts, but none of us have the energy to deal with this anymore.
Bryce and Melissa decide to stay when, really, they should just do what Booka and Brett did: have sex and crap off.
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