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Ever since their one-year-old son *Liam was born, *Kate and *Tim knew they wanted him to be a big brother.
On February 25, after six months of trying to conceive, the Gold Coast couple received the best news of their lives.
“I found out I was four weeks pregnant,” the 29-year-old mum tells Kidspot.
“I was over the moon. I couldn’t wait to surprise Tim, so I made a chocolate explosion box with a little baby suit in it and a message that read, ‘Let the next baby adventure begin.’ When he opened it up, he cried, he was so excited.”
Kate and Tim, 32, were on cloud nine. Not only were they eagerly awaiting the addition of a new family member – a third child for Kate, who has a nine-year-old son *Noah from a previous relationship – the wedding day they had been planning for a whole year was just two weeks away.
“We couldn’t wait,” Kate said.
“We planned on doing a big reveal and telling all our family and friends at our wedding.”
Two days before the nuptials, when Kate was six weeks and five days along, she suddenly felt something was very wrong with her baby.
When she went to the bathroom, she saw “brown discharge” and felt cramping that was similar to period pain.
However, her worries were allayed when a dating scan that morning showed her unborn child was growing healthily.
“We heard the heartbeat and the baby was the right size and in the right place, so I cried from relief,” she vividly recalls.
‘I started to miscarry after the wedding rehearsal’
That night, as Kate bid farewell to her family at the wedding rehearsal, her worst fears had returned.
“I felt a massive downpour of blood and the pain in my back start to get worse,” she emotionally remembers.
“I knew then I was miscarrying the baby … there was no chance of survival.”
Despite their intense grief, Kate and Tim decided to go ahead with the special day they had meticulously planned and saved for.
“I knew in my heart I still wanted to marry the man of my dreams – we love each other and so we would get through this together.”
‘I walked down the aisle thinking of what we had just lost’
Unfortunately, their heartbreaking ordeal was far from over.
On Sunday, March 14, the day of her wedding, Kate felt her cramping become more severe.
As she made a final trip to the bathroom before walking down the aisle, the bride-to-be made a devastating discovery.
“This small pod the size of my palm was in my underwear,” she says as her voice trembled.
“It was the baby. I was bleeding so much that day I didn’t even know I had passed it – I was in shock.”
“I walked down the aisle thinking of what we had lost and all that we are going through.”
Kate waited until the wedding ceremony was complete before telling Tim she had seen their unborn baby.
Later that night, the newly-wedded couple returned to the chapel to farewell their unborn child.
“We buried our baby in a special place in the front garden,” Kate quietly says.
“It showed the love we have for each other and our family. It’s a sacred place for me.”
As she struggles with the grief of losing a child, Kate feels incredibly torn about how to commemorate what should have been one of the happiest days of her life.
“I would like to redo it in some way,” she says.
“How do we celebrate this day now? Is it the day we buried our baby or is it the day we got married? I don’t want to celebrate our marriage – which was full of so much laughter, fun and joy – and have the other thought pushed aside, and vice versa. I just feel guilty for celebrating our anniversary on this day.”
The couple have also decided to begin trying for another child as soon as it is safe to do so.
“I do worry that we might miscarry again,” Kate admits.
“I don’t know why it happened this time so I’m just going to take things easier the next time around. But I know I can do it because I’m not doing it alone. I know Tim will be there every step of the way. If we fall down again – we’ll pick ourselves up, have a cry and try again.
“If we have to do IVF or adopt, we’ll do what we can. Whatever life throws at us, we’ll get through it together.”
*Names have been changed to protect privacy
This article originally appeared on Kidspot.com.au and was republished with permission
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