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So Marvel’s first “proper” television show has finished and confirmed my biggest fear.
Actually it’s not my biggest fear. That’s the one about the giant flesh-eating spiders. In fact, when I come to think about it, it’s probably my 26th or even 27th biggest fear.
Still, it’s something I’ve ben gibbering on about for a while now and, while thankfully giant flesh-eating spiders are still highly unlikely, this fear has come to pass.
You have to watch the new Marvel TV shows if you are going to understand the movies.
Previously, it didn’t matter if you watched Marvel TV shows such as Agents Of SHIELD or Jessica Jones before you caught up with the latest Avengers movie.
That was lucky, because forcing the world to watch Iron Fist probably breaches several United Nations conventions on human rights and torture.
Anyway, now there is no choice. You are going to have to pay for Disney+ and watch WandaVision (and no doubt Falcon And The Winter Soldier) before watching any of the new Marvel movies at the cinema.
(Get ready for a spoiler-filled discussion of WandaVision!)
WandaVision was a fun series that teased a great deal, although it did not deliver everything that it seemed to promise about two-thirds of the way through.
At one point, I thought we were going to get the next big baddie of the Marvel universe, now that Thanos is toast.
But it certainly appears to have set up at least two upcoming movies, Captain Marvel 2 and Doctor Strange 2. Plus there’s a whole scatter of other possibilities thrown up by the show.
The good news is WandaVision was highly entertaining and, although there was one jarring note with the ending, gave us mystery, action and a tear-jerker of a finale.
But, as I have said before, it annoys me that Disney expects us to do our homework before going out to the cinema.
Actually Disney doesn’t want us to go to the cinema.
It wants us to pay a “premium” price on top of our Disney+ subscription to watch the movie at home.
Effectively it wants to make prisoners of us, like Wanda imprisoned the people of Westview in WandaVision.
If we dare to refuse, then it’s our fault if we get startled when a white Vision — rather than the normal red one — floats across the screen in a future movie.
We only have ourselves to blame if we wonder why Wanda is searching for her two imaginary/dream children in the new Doctor Strange 2.
And put yourself in the naughty corner if you don’t know why Monica Rambeau, the cute kid from Captain Marvel, now has super powers and is cranky at Captain Marvel.
Then don’t even get me started about possible mutant powers being unlocked in ordinary people, powerful witches, wacky books of evil magic, doorways to different dimensions and a mysterious organisation that’s happy to try and kill superheroes to “protect” the world.
I thought WandaVision was very clever. But I hate the idea of being forced to see it.
We all thought COVID-19 was an insidious virus that changed the way we live and attacked our wallets.
Turns out that Disney might be just like it — and I don’t think there’s going to be a vaccine.
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